ISU Researchers Discover New Element [Parody]
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
Axis of the Earth
Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student: Imaginary clothes, sir.
On Anglicans
Q. Why can’t Anglicans play chess? A. Because they can’t tell a bishop from a king. Explanation: The British monarch is the head of the Anglican Church, therefore enjoying prerogatives that are normally reserved to bishops in most other Christian churches.
Top 10 Bumperstickers on the U.S.S. Enterprise
“Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!” “One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day…think about it” “HONK if you’ve slept with Commander Riker!” “Guns don’t kill people…Class 2 Phasers do!” “Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!” “CAUTION…We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical.” “If you can read this…don’t you think you’re a wee bit too close?” “Have you hugged a Ferengi today?” “We brake for cubes!” “Wesley On Board!” And, the best bumpersticker on Borg ship: “Blonde Borgs have the same fun.”
400 Trillion Trillion Pints of Beer Lost in Space
This week, a million fraternity brothers rushed to join NASA. The reason: scientists have discovered beer in space. Well, not beer exactly. But they did find alcohol: ethyl alcohol, to be precise, the active ingredient in all major alcoholic drinks (antifreeze Jell-O shots, quite obviously, are exempted from this category). Three British scientists, Drs. Tom Millar, Geoffrey MacDonald and Rolf Habing, discovered this interstellar Everclear floating in a gas cloud in the contellation of Aquila (sign of the Eagle, the mascot of Anheuser-Busch! Hmmmmm). G34.3 from Owen Chikazawa on Vimeo. Millar and his compatriots have estimated the size of this gas cloud at approximately 1,000 times the diameter of our…
Computer Gender
Why computers should be considered masculine: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. Why computers should be feminine: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are…
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, “Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?” “When they ask, I give them advice”, replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill in the morning.” The doctor decided to take the lawyer’s advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning he took out the list, just…
