If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines
UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on… Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you…
More Ad Placement Fail
I was unable to post for a while because I have been very busy lately, but here are some more ad placement fail pictures, as promised: “Come a little closer” “Two women to be stoned for adultery, says Amnesty”
Hunting Flies
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies,” he responded. “Oh!, Killed any?” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
More Words
A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. It read, “Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000.” Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband, “It’s because we have to repeat everything we say.” The husband said “What?”
Minutes and Pennies
Man to God: God, what’s a million years to you? God: A minute. Man: What about a million dollars? God: A penny. Man: God, could I have a penny? God: Sure — in a minute.
Funny Menu
The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants. Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce – China Indonesian Nazi Goreng – Hong Kong Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos – Cairo French fried ships – Cairo Garlic Coffee – Europe Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) – Europe Boiled Frogfish – Europe Sweat from the trolley – Europe Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream – China Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse – Hong Kong Roasted duck let loose – Poland Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion –…
Top 13 Worst Marketing Slogan Translations Ever
13. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.” 12. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.” 11. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.” 10. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish,…
Blonde Joke in a Bar
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, the bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is…
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, “Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?” “When they ask, I give them advice”, replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill in the morning.” The doctor decided to take the lawyer’s advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning he took out the list, just…
The Old Native American Wanted a Loan
The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for collateral?” “Don’t know collateral.” “Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan.Have you got any vehicles?” “Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup.” The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?” “Yes, I have a horse.” “How old is it?” “Don’t know, has no teeth.” Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out…
Funny Classified Ads Bloopers
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for…
Bad Domain Names
All of these are companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear – and be misread… Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com/ Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com/ Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net/ Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com/ There’s the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com/ And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com/ If you’re looking for IP computer software, there?s always www.ipanywhere.com/ The First…