Scottish

  • Flag Scotland
    Scottish

    Scottish & English Armies

    In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight. One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a scottish accent came from within the dense fog. “Any one scotsman can beat any 10 englishmen”. With this, the english general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned.…

  • Guinness Pint Beer Pub
    Bar,  Irish,  Scottish

    Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman in a Pub

    One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!”

  • Flag Scotland
    Scottish

    Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game

    A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run… run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-run, r-run will ya!” A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams “R-r-run, r-r-run will ya!” The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling “R-r-run, r-r-run!” All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A…

  • Train Brighton Station
    Scottish,  Travel

    Ticket, Please!

    Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called “Tickets, please!” and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots’ ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They…