School
Proverbs According to Children
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. As you shall make your bed so shall you… mess it up. Better be safe than… punch a 5th grader. Strike while the… bug is ...
A Class Act
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”
Cafeteria in a Catholic Elementary School
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the ...
An Atheist
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. ...
A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication
Phrase: It has long been known Translation: I haven't bothered to look up the reference Phrase: It is believed Translation: I think Phrase: It is generally believed Translation: A couple of other guys think so too Phrase: It is not unreasonable to assume Translation: If you believe this, you'll believe anything Phrase: Of great theoretical importance Translation: I find it kind of interesting Phrase: Of ...
Sunday School Drawings
A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy's picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. 'The flight to Egypt,' he replied. 'I see... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,' ...
Where Is Your Homework?
Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
Talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering ...
History Of The World… maybe
History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the ...
Some School Humor
Below is a compilation of some school jokes. They are a bit old school, but hopefully you'll still find some of them funny. Teacher: How can we get some clean water? Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said ...
You Just Might Be a Graduate Student if…
you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate. your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read. you have ever brought ...
The Bible According to Kids
The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called ...
Axis of the Earth
Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student: Imaginary clothes, sir.
New Building on Campus
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said. "Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. Ho relation." The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?" "Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He ...
The Biggest Lie
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie ...
