Children
An Atheist
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. ...
Where is God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if ...
When Does Life Begin?
A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priests says, “It begins at conception”. The minister says, “Life begins at 24 weeks gestation”. The rabbi says, “You are both wrong, Life begins when the kids move out of the house and the dog dies.”
School Daze
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," ...
History Of The World… maybe
History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the ...
Some School Humor
Below is a compilation of some school jokes. They are a bit old school, but hopefully you'll still find some of them funny. Teacher: How can we get some clean water? Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said ...
Where Is Your Homework?
Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
Cafeteria in a Catholic Elementary School
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the ...
Sunday School Drawings
A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy's picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. 'The flight to Egypt,' he replied. 'I see... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,' ...
School Excuses
The following are excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by the University of Texas: They were collected from Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Mississippi. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear ...
The Bible According to Kids
The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called ...
Axis of the Earth
Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student: Imaginary clothes, sir.
The Biggest Lie
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie ...
Bank Name
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former ...
Proverbs According to Children
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. As you shall make your bed so shall you… mess it up. Better be safe than… punch a 5th grader. Strike while the… bug is ...
