Business
Corporate Stupidity
“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA) “What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.” (Lykes Lines Shipping) “E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.” (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company) “This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.” (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service) “Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”…
An Italian businessman on his deathbed
A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, “Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.” “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?” The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS… and write on the envelope, ‘Now you have everything.'”
Funny Resume Bloopers
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers. JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured…
