Some Funny Google Fails
Google Auto Suggest is, as we can see from its name, an automated suggestion system. It is based on popular search queries. Since there’s a lot of weird people out there, Google will sometimes make some weird suggestions, as shown below. Also, if you spend some time on Google Earth or Google Maps, you might find some weird & funny stuff as well. I thought this was funny! Especially if you’ve seen Terminator.
10 dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey
An older couple had a son, who was still living at home. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a 10 dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, and hid, pretending they were not home. The father’s plan was: “If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.” So, the parents waited…
Catholic Terminology
AMEN – The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN – Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR – A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER – A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN – A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range. RECESSIONAL HYMN – The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE – Holy Smoke! JESUITS – An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH – The original “Jaws” story. JUSTICE – When kids have kids of…
You Know You Are Italian When…
You know you’re Italian when… You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you. You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can’t fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag. Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins. You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother. You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners. You only get one good shave from a…
Disorder In The Court
Things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or…
Rough Landing
An airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a ”Thanks for riding Royal Airlines.” But, in light of his bad landing, the pilot had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, ”Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” ”Why no, Ma’am,” replied the pilot,” ”what is it?” The little old lady said, ”Did we…
Axis of the Earth
Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student: Imaginary clothes, sir.
ISU Researchers Discover New Element [Parody]
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
On Anglicans
Q. Why can’t Anglicans play chess? A. Because they can’t tell a bishop from a king. Explanation: The British monarch is the head of the Anglican Church, therefore enjoying prerogatives that are normally reserved to bishops in most other Christian churches.
A Democrat High In The Air
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man consulted his portable GPS and Replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.” She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.” I am,” replied the man. “How did…
400 Trillion Trillion Pints of Beer Lost in Space
This week, a million fraternity brothers rushed to join NASA. The reason: scientists have discovered beer in space. Well, not beer exactly. But they did find alcohol: ethyl alcohol, to be precise, the active ingredient in all major alcoholic drinks (antifreeze Jell-O shots, quite obviously, are exempted from this category). Three British scientists, Drs. Tom Millar, Geoffrey MacDonald and Rolf Habing, discovered this interstellar Everclear floating in a gas cloud in the contellation of Aquila (sign of the Eagle, the mascot of Anheuser-Busch! Hmmmmm). G34.3 from Owen Chikazawa on Vimeo. Millar and his compatriots have estimated the size of this gas cloud at approximately 1,000 times the diameter of our…
Computer Gender
Why computers should be considered masculine: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. Why computers should be feminine: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are…
