Sleeping Pills

An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the...

A Letter from an Irish Mother

Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved. Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since. Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found...

The Redhead

A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde." "I thought so", the doctor says. "Your finger is...

The Mirror

Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - *Poof* - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. A redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *Poof* the mirror swallows her up. Next...

Blonde Riding a Horse

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along,...

Blonde on the Sun

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at...

A Blonde Game Of Intelligence

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth...

Blonde Joke in a Bar

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something, the bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the...