Below is a compilation of some school jokes. They are a bit old school, but hopefully you’ll still find some of them funny.
Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth?
Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, sir.
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
“It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said.
“Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. Ho relation.”
The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?”
“Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.”
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”
Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?”
Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?”
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Pupil: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
Teacher: “Of course not.”
Pupil: “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”
Teacher: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
- As you shall make your bed so shall you… mess it up.
- Better be safe than… punch a 5th grader.
- Strike while the… bug is close.
- It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time.
- You can lead a horse to water but… how?
- Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.
- A miss is as good as a… Mr.
- You can’t teach an old dog new… math.
- If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.
- The pen is mightier than the… pigs.
- An idle mind is… the best way to relax.
- Where there’s smoke, there’s… pollution.
- Happy the bride who… gets all the presents.
- A penny saved is… not much.
- Two’s company, three’s… the musketeers.
- Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and… you have to blow your nose.
- Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.
- When the blind lead the blind… get out of there.
Clip art image by gazzaPax.