• Courtroom US
    Business,  Idiot,  Lawyer

    The Stella Awards

      The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The “Stella” Award – for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S. The following are this year’s candidates: 1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson’s son. 2. June 1998: A 19 year…

  • Newspapers Bundle
    News

    Newspaper Errors

    A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730 of them published daily in the United States with a combined circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure of deadlines, and it’s surprising there aren’t more mistakes. When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version. Here just a few samples: 1. IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have…

  • Computer Desk
    Computer,  Men,  Women

    Computer Gender

    Why computers should be considered masculine: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. Why computers should be feminine: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are…

  • Classroom
    Children,  School

    Some School Humor

    Below is a compilation of some school jokes. They are a bit old school, but hopefully you’ll still find some of them funny. Teacher: How can we get some clean water? Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!” Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?” Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?” Pupil: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?” Teacher: “Of course not.” Pupil:…

  • Ultrasound Baby
    Women

    Things Not To Say During Childbirth…

    Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts? I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes. If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball. That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner? When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar. You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment. This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I…

  • Stop Sign
    Driving,  Police

    Stop Sign

    A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver’s window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. “No,” the man replied. “You failed to stop at the stop sign,” the cop explained. “But I did slow down!” the guy argued. The cop shook his head. “You are required to stop. That’s why they’re called stop signs.” The man started to get belligerent. “Stop, slow down — what’s the difference?” The cop pulled out his baton. “I can show you. I’m going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down.”

  • Plane Cartoon Drawing
    Children,  Christian,  School

    Sunday School Drawings

    A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy’s picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. ‘The flight to Egypt,’ he replied. ‘I see… And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,’ she said. ‘But who’s the fourth person?’ ‘Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot!’

  • Church Pews
    Christian

    Catholic Terminology

    AMEN – The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN – Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR – A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER – A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN – A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range. RECESSIONAL HYMN – The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE – Holy Smoke! JESUITS – An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH – The original “Jaws” story. JUSTICE – When kids have kids of…

  • 3 People Group Team
    Children,  Christian,  Family,  Political

    When Does Life Begin?

    A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priests says, “It begins at conception”. The minister says, “Life begins at 24 weeks gestation”. The rabbi says, “You are both wrong, Life begins when the kids move out of the house and the dog dies.”

  • NASA Apollo
    American,  Indian,  Science

    Indian Message To The Moon

    When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?” A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old…

  • Paint Bucket
    Farmer

    Painting

    A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.” The owner says, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I’ve never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal.” So the hobo goes around back and a while…

  • Fail

    Ad Placement Fail

    Some advertising placement can give funny or unfortunate results. Here are a few of them: “Strike Against Free Software: Microsoft Enters Catalonian Schools”