A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run… run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars … Continue reading
No Horns
“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage … Continue reading
Long Line
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A … Continue reading
Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading
Insurance Proceeds
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire … Continue reading
More Words
A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. It read, “Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000.” Excited to prove to his wife that he had … Continue reading
The Pope Drives a Limousine
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much … Continue reading
A Doctor and a Lawyer Met at a Party
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, “Tell me, what do you do to stop … Continue reading
Translation Fails
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a … Continue reading
Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled … Continue reading
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