• Sewing Machine Antique
    Funny Ads,  News

    R. D. Jones And His Sewing Machine

    The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row – the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day’s mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones’ ad yesterday. It should have read “One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M.” WEDNESDAY: Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the…

  • Police Lights
    Bar,  Driving,  Marriage,  Police

    On their way home from the bar…

    John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just then Jessica said, “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.” So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, “Sir your license has expired.” And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take…

  • Science Technology Paper
    School,  Science,  Translation Fail

    A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication

    Phrase: It has long been known Translation: I haven’t bothered to look up the reference Phrase: It is believed Translation: I think Phrase: It is generally believed Translation: A couple of other guys think so too Phrase: It is not unreasonable to assume Translation: If you believe this, you’ll believe anything Phrase: Of great theoretical importance Translation: I find it kind of interesting Phrase: Of great practical importance Translation: I can get some mileage out of it Phrase: Typical results are shown Translation: The best results are shown Phrase: 3 samples were chosen for further study Translation: The others didn’t make sense, so we ignored them Phrase: The 4 hour…

  • College Campus Building
    Business,  School

    New Building on Campus

    A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. Ho relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.”

  • Domain Name
    Funny Ads

    Bad Domain Names

    All of these are companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear – and be misread… Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com/ Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com/ Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net/ Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com/ There’s the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com/ And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com/ If you’re looking for IP computer software, there?s always www.ipanywhere.com/ The First…

  • Courtroom
    Fail,  Lawyer

    Courtroom Bloopers

    Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court. From Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here are some transquips, all recorded by America's keepers of the word.

  • Blind Man
    Bar,  Blonde

    Blonde Joke in a Bar

    A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, the bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is…

  • Restaurant Menu
    Funny Ads

    Funny Menu

    The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants. Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce – China Indonesian Nazi Goreng – Hong Kong Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos – Cairo French fried ships – Cairo Garlic Coffee – Europe Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) – Europe Boiled Frogfish – Europe Sweat from the trolley – Europe Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream – China Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse – Hong Kong Roasted duck let loose – Poland Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion –…

  • Shovel Digging
    Idiot

    What is intelligence?

    Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?” “I don’t know,” responded the other. “I’ll ask him.” So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. “Why are we digging in the hot sun and you’re standing in the shade?” “Intelligence,” the boss said. “What do you mean, ‘intelligence’?” The boss said, “Well, I’ll show you. I’ll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as…

  • Happy Mothers Day
    Family,  Holidays

    The Hilarious Hijinks of Mischievous Kids: A Mother’s Day Prank Extravaganza!

    Join in the laughter and mischief as a group of mischievous kids sets out to surprise their moms with a Mother's Day prank extravaganza. Experience the hilarious chaos that ensues as exploding cards, squirting flowers, and whoopee cushions take center stage. This heartwarming tale celebrates the joy of laughter and the unbreakable bond between children and their moms. Get ready for a side-splitting adventure that will leave you snorting with laughter and appreciating the whimsy of Mother's Day.

  • Flag United States
    American,  Dumb Laws

    U.S. Dumb Laws Compilation

    Each State in the U.S. has it’s own laws. Some of those laws have been created a long time ago and now sound ridiculous. Here is a list of each State’s dumb laws along with one example for each: Alabama Dumb Laws “It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity.” Alaska Dumb Laws “Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.” Arizona Dumb Laws “When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.” Arkansas Dumb Laws “A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.” California Dumb Laws…

  • Dumb Laws

    Virginia Dumb Laws

    You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc. Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. It is illegal to tickle women. It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays. Culpeper: No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk. Lebanon: It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. Norfolk: Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated. Norfolk: A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. Norfolk: Women must wear a corset after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone. Richmond: It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays…