A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. It read, “Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000.” Excited to prove to his wife that he had … Continue reading
More Words
A Programmer Joke
Three guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is … Continue reading
No Horns
“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage … Continue reading
History Of The World… Maybe
History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah … Continue reading
Reading Between the Lines
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always 5 … Continue reading
FHA Loan
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title … Continue reading
Courtroom Bloopers
Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books – Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court. From Mrs. Gilman’s two volumes, here are some transquips, all recorded by America’s keepers of the word. Continue reading
Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading
New Job
A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve … Continue reading
Translation Fails
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a … Continue reading
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