Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!” Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if … Continue reading
Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery
Sunday School Drawings
A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy’s picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. … Continue reading
My Wife Got Me to Believe in Religion
Billy: “My wife got me to believe in religion.” Joe: “Really?” Billy: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell”
The Italian Who Went to Malta
(Must be read with an Italian accent) One day Ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina Morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her … Continue reading
Scottish & English Armies
In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight. One morning … Continue reading
The 25 Best Newspaper Headlines of 1999
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say 2. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 6. Is There … Continue reading
An Aspiring Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will … Continue reading
Some School Humor
Below is a compilation of some school jokes. They are a bit old school, but hopefully you’ll still find some of them funny. Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary … Continue reading
Microsoft Air
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. … Continue reading
Painting
A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had … Continue reading
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