Massachusetts Dumb Laws

Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.

It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.

Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.

It’s illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.

It’s illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.

No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.

Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.

It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.

Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.

There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.

Boston: It is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician.

In 1659 the state of Massachusetts outlawed Christmas.

All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.

Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.

It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.

It’s illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building.

It’s illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road.

Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.

Bullets may not be used as currency.

Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.

Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.

Public boxing matches are outlawed.

It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine

Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.

It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.

Boston: It is illegal to play the fiddle.

Boston: Two people may not kiss in front of a church.

Boston: No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city.

Boston: No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears.

Boston: Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except Sundays.

Boston: It is illegal to eat peanuts in church.

Boston: An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday.

Boston: Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present.

Boston: Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common.

Boston: No one may take a bath without a prescription.

Boston: It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs.

Burlington: You may not walk around with a “drink”.

Cambridge: It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk.

Cambridge: It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday.

Hingham: You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible.

Hingham: If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.

Hopkinton: Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.

Longmeadow: It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.

Marlboro: It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun.

Marlboro: Silly string is illegal in the city limits.

Marlboro: One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city.

Marlboro: It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs.

Milford: Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.

Newton: All families must be given a hog from the town’s mayor.

North Andover: An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.

Salem: Sleeping in the nude in a rented room is forbidden, even for married couples.

Southbridge: It is illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.

Woburn: In bars, it is illegal to “walk around” with a beer in your hand.