CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Sun, 25 Jul 2021 08:05:41 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8 School Daze http://jokes.cosmobc.com/school-daze/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/school-daze/#respond Sun, 25 Jul 2021 08:05:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=152 It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it … Continue reading

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Scottish & English Armies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-english-armies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-english-armies/#respond Sun, 25 Jul 2021 02:03:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=158 In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight. One morning … Continue reading

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Job Application http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/#respond Sat, 24 Jul 2021 19:49:39 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=609 A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he … Continue reading

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Blonde on the Sun http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-on-the-sun/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-on-the-sun/#respond Sat, 24 Jul 2021 13:43:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=34 A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the … Continue reading

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Parachute http://jokes.cosmobc.com/parachute/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/parachute/#comments Sat, 24 Jul 2021 07:38:20 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=633 One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the … Continue reading

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Simplifying the English Language http://jokes.cosmobc.com/simplifying-the-english-language/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/simplifying-the-english-language/#respond Sat, 24 Jul 2021 01:20:39 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=716 Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult; … Continue reading

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An Aspiring Writer http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/#respond Fri, 23 Jul 2021 19:13:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1313 There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will … Continue reading

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A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/#respond Fri, 23 Jul 2021 13:08:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=673 Phrase: It has long been known Translation: I haven’t bothered to look up the reference Phrase: It is believed Translation: I think Phrase: It is generally believed Translation: A couple of other guys think so too Phrase: It is not … Continue reading

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The Old Native American Wanted a Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/#respond Fri, 23 Jul 2021 07:02:52 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=106 The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for … Continue reading

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A Blonde Game Of Intelligence http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/#respond Fri, 23 Jul 2021 00:54:46 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=32 There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and … Continue reading

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Things you don’t want to hear during surgery http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-during-surgery/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-during-surgery/#respond Thu, 22 Jul 2021 18:42:33 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=73 Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!” Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if … Continue reading

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30 Funny Twitter Comics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/30-funny-twitter-comics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/30-funny-twitter-comics/#comments Thu, 22 Jul 2021 12:31:57 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=197 30 Funny Twitter Comics PS. If you do not Tweet you will probably not get this xD

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Top 10 Bumperstickers on the U.S.S. Enterprise http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-bumperstickers-u-s-s-enterprise/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-bumperstickers-u-s-s-enterprise/#respond Thu, 22 Jul 2021 06:12:32 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1300 “Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!” “One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day…think about it” “HONK if you’ve slept with Commander Riker!” “Guns don’t kill people…Class 2 Phasers do!” “Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!” “CAUTION…We have … Continue reading

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Stolen Horse http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stolen-horse/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stolen-horse/#respond Wed, 21 Jul 2021 23:53:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=612 A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He … Continue reading

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Honey, I Found Your Golf Ball http://jokes.cosmobc.com/honey-i-found-your-golf-ball/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/honey-i-found-your-golf-ball/#comments Wed, 21 Jul 2021 17:43:36 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=187 A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I … Continue reading

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Bank Name http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bank-name/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bank-name/#respond Wed, 21 Jul 2021 11:40:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=10 Piggy BankMother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill … Continue reading

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Famous Last Words http://jokes.cosmobc.com/famous-words/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/famous-words/#respond Wed, 21 Jul 2021 05:28:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1334 I’ll get a world record for this. Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press. Hey there’s no handles inside these car doors! It’s fireproof. He’s probably just hibernating. What does this button do? I’m … Continue reading

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Hunting Flies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/hunting-flies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/hunting-flies/#comments Tue, 20 Jul 2021 23:21:38 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=176 A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies,” he responded. “Oh!, Killed any?” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she … Continue reading

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Why Captcha Are Evil http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/#comments Tue, 20 Jul 2021 17:16:23 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=528 This is the proof that captcha are evil! A funny compilation of the web’s funniest and most failed captcha. Now which are we supposed to type? Now how are we supposed to see anything in there!? Now this one is … Continue reading

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Church Bulletin Humor http://jokes.cosmobc.com/church-bulletin-humor/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/church-bulletin-humor/#comments Tue, 20 Jul 2021 11:05:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=92 The following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church … Continue reading

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A Programmer Joke http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-programmer-joke/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-programmer-joke/#comments Tue, 20 Jul 2021 05:02:29 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=646 Three guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is … Continue reading

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Top 13 Worst Marketing Slogan Translations Ever http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/#comments Mon, 19 Jul 2021 22:49:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=245 13. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the … Continue reading

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Smartest Man in the World http://jokes.cosmobc.com/smartest-man-world/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/smartest-man-world/#respond Mon, 19 Jul 2021 16:34:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=762 A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started … Continue reading

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Holmes and Watson http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/#respond Mon, 19 Jul 2021 10:27:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1330 Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, … Continue reading

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Confession http://jokes.cosmobc.com/confession/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/confession/#respond Mon, 19 Jul 2021 04:09:15 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1584 Me: Bless me father, for I have sinned. Fr: How long ago was your last confession? M: about a week. Fr: Very good. What sins do you want to confess? M: lying about when my last confession was. Fr: *prolonged … Continue reading

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Only in America http://jokes.cosmobc.com/only-in-america/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/only-in-america/#respond Sun, 18 Jul 2021 21:59:29 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=8 Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Continue reading

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The Pope Drives a Limousine http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/#comments Sun, 18 Jul 2021 15:51:01 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=720 The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much … Continue reading

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A doctor and a lawyer met at a party http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-doctor-and-a-lawyer-met-at-a-party/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-doctor-and-a-lawyer-met-at-a-party/#comments Sun, 18 Jul 2021 09:46:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=71 A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, “Tell me, what do you do to stop … Continue reading

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Signs that Star Trek is Taking Over Your Life http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-star-trek-life/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-star-trek-life/#respond Sun, 18 Jul 2021 03:37:31 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1302 Saying “make it so” in casual conversation Indignation because the periodic table doesn’t include dilithium and tritanium. Able to use “variable phase inverter” in a sentence without excessive thought first More than one pair of Spock ears on junk drawer … Continue reading

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No Bull http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-bull/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-bull/#respond Sat, 17 Jul 2021 21:23:10 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=90 A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by … Continue reading

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Where is God? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/#respond Sat, 17 Jul 2021 15:17:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=53 A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading

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Murphy applied for an engineering position http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/#respond Sat, 17 Jul 2021 09:11:51 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=44 Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of … Continue reading

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10 dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey http://jokes.cosmobc.com/10-dollar-bill-a-bible-and-a-bottle-of-whiskey/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/10-dollar-bill-a-bible-and-a-bottle-of-whiskey/#respond Sat, 17 Jul 2021 02:57:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=144 An older couple had a son, who was still living at home. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a … Continue reading

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No Great Loss http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/#respond Fri, 16 Jul 2021 20:54:42 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=185 Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is … Continue reading

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No Parking Sign http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-parking-sign/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-parking-sign/#respond Fri, 16 Jul 2021 14:48:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=639 “No parking near my house. Get your own wireless network!”

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What All Those Acronyms Really Mean http://jokes.cosmobc.com/what-all-those-acronyms-really-mean/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/what-all-those-acronyms-really-mean/#comments Fri, 16 Jul 2021 08:37:22 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=56 ISDN = It Still Does Nothing APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity IBM = I Blame Microsoft DEC = Do Expect Cuts CA = Constant Acquisitions CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too. SCSI … Continue reading

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If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines http://jokes.cosmobc.com/if-operating-systems-ran-the-airlines/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/if-operating-systems-ran-the-airlines/#respond Fri, 16 Jul 2021 02:13:27 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=63 UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are … Continue reading

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The Bible According to Kids http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-bible-according-to-kids/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-bible-according-to-kids/#respond Thu, 15 Jul 2021 20:04:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=51 The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so … Continue reading

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I’m the Boss! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-boss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-boss/#respond Thu, 15 Jul 2021 13:59:04 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=42 The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door. Later that … Continue reading

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Rolls-Royce and Bank Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/#respond Thu, 15 Jul 2021 07:42:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=748 A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will … Continue reading

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Rules for Women http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rules-for-women/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rules-for-women/#respond Thu, 15 Jul 2021 01:35:57 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=132 We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you … Continue reading

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Signs Technology Took Over Your Life http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-technology-took-over-your-life/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-technology-took-over-your-life/#respond Wed, 14 Jul 2021 19:34:17 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=68 1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. … Continue reading

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An Italian businessman on his deathbed http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-italian-businessman-on-his-deathbed/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-italian-businessman-on-his-deathbed/#respond Wed, 14 Jul 2021 13:31:10 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=115 A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, “Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.” “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do … Continue reading

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Courtroom Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-bloopers/#respond Wed, 14 Jul 2021 07:24:33 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=797 Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court. From Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here are some transquips, all recorded by America's keepers of the word. Continue reading

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Microsoft Air http://jokes.cosmobc.com/microsoft-air/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/microsoft-air/#respond Wed, 14 Jul 2021 01:18:05 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=65 There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. … Continue reading

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Rough Landing http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rough-landing/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rough-landing/#respond Tue, 13 Jul 2021 19:17:56 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1296 An airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a ”Thanks for riding … Continue reading

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Funny Classified Ads Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/#respond Tue, 13 Jul 2021 13:07:33 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=709 As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A … Continue reading

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Funny Resume Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/#respond Tue, 13 Jul 2021 06:51:42 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=696 Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. Was met with a string … Continue reading

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Irish diplomacy http://jokes.cosmobc.com/irish-diplomacy/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/irish-diplomacy/#respond Tue, 13 Jul 2021 00:46:39 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=108 Q. What is Irish diplomacy? A. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he will look forward to making the trip.

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History Of The World… maybe http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/#respond Mon, 12 Jul 2021 18:39:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=49 History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah … Continue reading

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