CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Sun, 29 Mar 2020 22:44:51 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 Late Train http://jokes.cosmobc.com/late-train/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/late-train/#respond Sun, 29 Mar 2020 22:44:51 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=599 A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of … Continue reading

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Donation http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/#respond Sun, 29 Mar 2020 16:40:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=650 A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a … Continue reading

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Map Win! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/#respond Sun, 29 Mar 2020 10:25:45 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=663 North America looks like a dragon spitting fire!

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No Bull http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-bull/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-bull/#respond Sun, 29 Mar 2020 04:19:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=90 A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by … Continue reading

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Fathers About Daughters http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/#respond Sat, 28 Mar 2020 22:14:31 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=84 Any father will tell you that parents spend the first 2-3 years of a daughter’s life trying to teach them to talk, and the next 15 or so trying to get them to shut-up.

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Why Captcha Are Evil http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/#comments Sat, 28 Mar 2020 16:09:22 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=528 This is the proof that captcha are evil! A funny compilation of the web’s funniest and most failed captcha. Now which are we supposed to type? Now how are we supposed to see anything in there!? Now this one is … Continue reading

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Disorder In The Court http://jokes.cosmobc.com/disorder-in-the-court/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/disorder-in-the-court/#respond Sat, 28 Mar 2020 10:03:46 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=123 Things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats … Continue reading

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Magic Pool http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/#respond Sat, 28 Mar 2020 03:56:36 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=596 There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is … Continue reading

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No Great Loss http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/#respond Fri, 27 Mar 2020 21:51:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=185 Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is … Continue reading

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FHA Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/#respond Fri, 27 Mar 2020 15:41:53 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=14 A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title … Continue reading

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Catholic Terminology http://jokes.cosmobc.com/catholic-terminology/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/catholic-terminology/#respond Fri, 27 Mar 2020 09:37:55 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1347 AMEN – The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN – Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR – A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER – A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. … Continue reading

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The Stella Awards http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/#respond Fri, 27 Mar 2020 03:20:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=102 The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The “Stella” Award – for the most frivolous … Continue reading

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Scottish Immigrant Attends His First Baseball Game http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/#respond Thu, 26 Mar 2020 21:13:57 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=160 A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run… run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars … Continue reading

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A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/#respond Thu, 26 Mar 2020 15:12:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=673 Phrase: It has long been known Translation: I haven’t bothered to look up the reference Phrase: It is believed Translation: I think Phrase: It is generally believed Translation: A couple of other guys think so too Phrase: It is not … Continue reading

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On Anglicans http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/#respond Thu, 26 Mar 2020 09:07:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1343 Q. Why can’t Anglicans play chess? A. Because they can’t tell a Bishop from a Queen.

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Creative Defense http://jokes.cosmobc.com/creative-defense/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/creative-defense/#respond Thu, 26 Mar 2020 03:03:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=653 A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can … Continue reading

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New Element! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/#respond Wed, 25 Mar 2020 20:54:33 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1332 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered! The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and … Continue reading

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The Pope Drives a Limousine http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/#comments Wed, 25 Mar 2020 14:49:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=720 The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much … Continue reading

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Bill Gates Died and Went to Heaven http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bill-gates-died-and-went-to-heaven/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bill-gates-died-and-went-to-heaven/#comments Wed, 25 Mar 2020 08:38:09 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=58 Bill Gates died and went to Heaven. Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the … Continue reading

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No Parking Sign http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-parking-sign/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-parking-sign/#respond Wed, 25 Mar 2020 02:34:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=639 “No parking near my house. Get your own wireless network!”

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Reading Between the Lines http://jokes.cosmobc.com/reading-between-lines/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/reading-between-lines/#respond Tue, 24 Mar 2020 20:20:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=47 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always 5 … Continue reading

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Top 10 Signs You’ve Watched Too Much Star Trek http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-signs-watched-star-trek/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-signs-watched-star-trek/#respond Tue, 24 Mar 2020 20:20:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1298 You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7. You pull the legs off your hamster so you’ll have a tribble. You tried to join the Navy just so … Continue reading

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Some Funny Google Fails http://jokes.cosmobc.com/some-funny-google-fails/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/some-funny-google-fails/#comments Tue, 24 Mar 2020 14:05:04 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=543 Google Auto Suggest is, as we can see from its name, an automated suggestion system. It is based on popular search queries. Since there’s a lot of weird people out there, Google will sometimes make some weird suggestions, as shown … Continue reading

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Where Is Your Homework? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/#respond Tue, 24 Mar 2020 08:02:22 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=156 Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.

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New Job http://jokes.cosmobc.com/new-job/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/new-job/#comments Tue, 24 Mar 2020 01:48:50 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=723 A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve … Continue reading

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History Of The World… Maybe http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/#respond Mon, 23 Mar 2020 19:44:10 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=49 History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah … Continue reading

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You Just Might Be a Graduate Student If… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/#respond Mon, 23 Mar 2020 13:21:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1310 you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate. your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. you are startled … Continue reading

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Indian Message To The Moon http://jokes.cosmobc.com/indian-message-to-the-moon/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/indian-message-to-the-moon/#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2020 07:10:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=5 When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke … Continue reading

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The Mirror http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/#respond Mon, 23 Mar 2020 01:06:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=38 Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth one is granted a wish. … Continue reading

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Stop Sign http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stop-sign/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stop-sign/#respond Sun, 22 Mar 2020 19:02:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=142 A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver’s window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. “No,” the man replied. “You failed to stop at the stop sign,” the cop explained. “But … Continue reading

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Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/boyfriend-50-to-husband-10/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/boyfriend-50-to-husband-10/#respond Sun, 22 Mar 2020 12:57:14 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=125 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled … Continue reading

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If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/restaurants-functioned-microsoft/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/restaurants-functioned-microsoft/#comments Sun, 22 Mar 2020 06:46:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=785 Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, … Continue reading

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Top 20 Uses for Data’s Detached Head http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-20-datas-detached-head/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-20-datas-detached-head/#respond Sun, 22 Mar 2020 06:46:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1306 Combonation paperweight/stapler for Picard’s desk The ball in Parisis’ Squares Hood ornament for Shuttlecraft Replace Troi’s broken Chia Pet Scare blind students in Braille class Prop open doors for maintainence crews Lawn decoration in Arboreteum Footstool for Captain’s chair entertaining … Continue reading

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Top 13 Worst Marketing Slogan Translations Ever http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/#comments Sun, 22 Mar 2020 00:39:36 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=245 13. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the … Continue reading

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No Horns http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/#respond Sat, 21 Mar 2020 18:34:55 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=644 “Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage … Continue reading

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Talking Clock http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/#respond Sat, 21 Mar 2020 18:33:45 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=626 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. … Continue reading

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Cartoon Laws of Physics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/#comments Sat, 21 Mar 2020 12:20:46 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=776 Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading

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Cafeteria in a Catholic Elementary School http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cafeteria-catholic-elementary-school/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cafeteria-catholic-elementary-school/#respond Sat, 21 Mar 2020 06:07:14 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1341 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only … Continue reading

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You Know You Are Italian http://jokes.cosmobc.com/you-know-you-are-italian/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/you-know-you-are-italian/#respond Fri, 20 Mar 2020 23:58:23 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=121 You know you’re Italian when… You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you. You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can’t fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 … Continue reading

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Blonde Joke in a Bar http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/#respond Fri, 20 Mar 2020 17:49:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=25 A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde … Continue reading

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Signs Technology Took Over Your Life http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-technology-took-over-your-life/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-technology-took-over-your-life/#respond Fri, 20 Mar 2020 11:44:57 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=68 1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. … Continue reading

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Smartest Man in the World http://jokes.cosmobc.com/smartest-man-world/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/smartest-man-world/#comments Fri, 20 Mar 2020 05:36:13 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=762 A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started … Continue reading

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Blonde Driver http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-driver/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-driver/#respond Thu, 19 Mar 2020 23:28:50 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=629 A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it… Cop : “Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?” Blonde : “Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, … Continue reading

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I’m the Boss! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-boss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-boss/#comments Thu, 19 Mar 2020 17:27:15 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=42 The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door. Later that … Continue reading

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Funny Car Insurance Statements http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-car-insurance-statements/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-car-insurance-statements/#comments Thu, 19 Mar 2020 11:22:55 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=682 The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining. … Continue reading

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Rules for Women http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rules-for-women/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rules-for-women/#respond Thu, 19 Mar 2020 05:07:15 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=132 We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you … Continue reading

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An Atheist http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-atheist/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-atheist/#respond Wed, 18 Mar 2020 23:03:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=150 A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like … Continue reading

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What Is Intelligence? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/what-is-intelligence/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/what-is-intelligence/#respond Wed, 18 Mar 2020 17:01:56 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=168 Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?” “I … Continue reading

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A Blonde Game Of Intelligence http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/#respond Wed, 18 Mar 2020 10:56:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=32 There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and … Continue reading

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Where Is God? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/#respond Wed, 18 Mar 2020 04:42:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=53 A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading

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