CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Fri, 25 Sep 2020 17:43:40 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.5.1 Job Application http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/#respond Fri, 25 Sep 2020 17:43:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=609 A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he … Continue reading

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Simplifying the English Language http://jokes.cosmobc.com/simplifying-the-english-language/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/simplifying-the-english-language/#respond Fri, 25 Sep 2020 11:06:27 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=716 Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult; … Continue reading

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Map Win! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/#respond Fri, 25 Sep 2020 04:55:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=663 North America looks like a dragon spitting fire!

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Translation Fails http://jokes.cosmobc.com/translation-fails/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/translation-fails/#respond Thu, 24 Sep 2020 22:54:42 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=668 In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a … Continue reading

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A Class Act http://jokes.cosmobc.com/class-act/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/class-act/#respond Thu, 24 Sep 2020 16:49:16 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1579 A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, โ€œYou are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.โ€ The frog is thrilled! โ€œThis is great! Will I meet her … Continue reading

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Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-ten-things-that-men-understand-about-women/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-ten-things-that-men-understand-about-women/#respond Thu, 24 Sep 2020 10:26:33 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=134 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

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School Daze http://jokes.cosmobc.com/school-daze/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/school-daze/#respond Thu, 24 Sep 2020 04:18:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=152 It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it … Continue reading

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A Neutron Walks into a Bar… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/neutron-walks-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/neutron-walks-bar/#respond Wed, 23 Sep 2020 21:59:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1352 A neutron walks into a bar. “Id like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge.”

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Bill Gates Died and Went to Heaven http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bill-gates-died-and-went-to-heaven/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bill-gates-died-and-went-to-heaven/#respond Wed, 23 Sep 2020 15:56:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=58 Bill Gates died and went to Heaven. Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the … Continue reading

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Actors http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/#respond Wed, 23 Sep 2020 09:51:27 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=636 Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. “Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan … Continue reading

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Magic Pool http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/#respond Wed, 23 Sep 2020 03:41:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=596 There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is … Continue reading

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High Blood Pressure http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/#comments Tue, 22 Sep 2020 21:27:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=86 When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.” “Your mother’s side or your father’s?” I asked. “Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.” “Oh, come … Continue reading

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Top 10 Signs You’ve Watched Too Much Star Trek http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-signs-watched-star-trek/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-signs-watched-star-trek/#respond Tue, 22 Sep 2020 15:08:42 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1298 You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7. You pull the legs off your hamster so you’ll have a tribble. You tried to join the Navy just so … Continue reading

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The Mirror http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/#respond Tue, 22 Sep 2020 08:50:38 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=38 Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth one is granted a wish. … Continue reading

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Top 20 Uses for Data’s Detached Head http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-20-datas-detached-head/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-20-datas-detached-head/#respond Tue, 22 Sep 2020 02:46:04 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1306 Combonation paperweight/stapler for Picard’s desk The ball in Parisis’ Squares Hood ornament for Shuttlecraft Replace Troi’s broken Chia Pet Scare blind students in Braille class Prop open doors for maintainence crews Lawn decoration in Arboreteum Footstool for Captain’s chair entertaining … Continue reading

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Talking clock http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/#respond Mon, 21 Sep 2020 20:40:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=626 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. … Continue reading

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30 Funny Twitter Comics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/30-funny-twitter-comics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/30-funny-twitter-comics/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2020 14:37:05 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=197 30 Funny Twitter Comics PS. If you do not Tweet you will probably not get this xD

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On Anglicans http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/#respond Mon, 21 Sep 2020 08:32:55 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1343 Q. Why can’t Anglicans play chess? A. Because they can’t tell a Bishop from a Queen.

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Irish diplomacy http://jokes.cosmobc.com/irish-diplomacy/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/irish-diplomacy/#respond Mon, 21 Sep 2020 02:17:42 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=108 Q. What is Irish diplomacy? A. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he will look forward to making the trip.

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The Bible According to Kids http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-bible-according-to-kids/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-bible-according-to-kids/#respond Sun, 20 Sep 2020 20:04:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=51 The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so … Continue reading

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Webcomic: The 10 stages of software development http://jokes.cosmobc.com/webcomic-the-10-stages-of-software-development/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/webcomic-the-10-stages-of-software-development/#comments Sun, 20 Sep 2020 13:53:13 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=337 This webcomic explains the ten stages of software development in a funny way. Each person understood it differently! As a programmer I would have to say that this scenario is pretty often quite accurate. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Essential Desert Objects http://jokes.cosmobc.com/essential-desert-objects/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/essential-desert-objects/#comments Sun, 20 Sep 2020 07:45:27 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=190 A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, … Continue reading

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Sleeping Pills http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/#comments Sun, 20 Sep 2020 01:39:35 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=205 An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” … Continue reading

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Murphy applied for an engineering position http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/#respond Sat, 19 Sep 2020 19:21:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=44 Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of … Continue reading

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Painting http://jokes.cosmobc.com/painting/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/painting/#comments Sat, 19 Sep 2020 13:15:57 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=604 A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had … Continue reading

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Top 10 Bumperstickers on the U.S.S. Enterprise http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-bumperstickers-u-s-s-enterprise/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-10-bumperstickers-u-s-s-enterprise/#respond Sat, 19 Sep 2020 07:04:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1300 “Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!” “One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day…think about it” “HONK if you’ve slept with Commander Riker!” “Guns don’t kill people…Class 2 Phasers do!” “Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!” “CAUTION…We have … Continue reading

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Ad Placement Fail http://jokes.cosmobc.com/ad-placement-fail/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/ad-placement-fail/#comments Sat, 19 Sep 2020 00:56:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=229 Some advertising placement can give funny or unfortunate results. Here are a few of them: “Strike Against Free Software: Microsoft Enters Catalonian Schools” Yahoo Fail!

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Donation http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/#respond Fri, 18 Sep 2020 18:39:42 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=650 A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a … Continue reading

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Where is your homework? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/#respond Fri, 18 Sep 2020 12:23:53 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=156 Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.

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The Stella Awards http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/#respond Fri, 18 Sep 2020 06:12:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=102 The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The “Stella” Award – for the most frivolous … Continue reading

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Driving under the influence http://jokes.cosmobc.com/driving-under-the-influence/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/driving-under-the-influence/#comments Fri, 18 Sep 2020 00:04:52 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=631 One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try … Continue reading

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Courtroom Humor http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-humor/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-humor/#comments Thu, 17 Sep 2020 17:59:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=688 Judge: I know you, don’t I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: … Continue reading

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Stop Sign http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stop-sign/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stop-sign/#respond Thu, 17 Sep 2020 11:53:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=142 A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver’s window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. “No,” the man replied. “You failed to stop at the stop sign,” the cop explained. “But … Continue reading

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Computer Gender http://jokes.cosmobc.com/computer-gender/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/computer-gender/#respond Thu, 17 Sep 2020 05:50:21 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=60 Why computers should be considered masculine: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, … Continue reading

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No Horns http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/#respond Wed, 16 Sep 2020 23:41:14 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=644 “Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage … Continue reading

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A Blonde Game Of Intelligence http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/#respond Wed, 16 Sep 2020 17:29:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=32 There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and … Continue reading

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History Of The World… maybe http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/#respond Wed, 16 Sep 2020 11:11:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=49 History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah … Continue reading

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The Mistake Test http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/#respond Wed, 16 Sep 2020 05:01:51 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=100 See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won’t work. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This … Continue reading

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Church Bulletin Humor http://jokes.cosmobc.com/church-bulletin-humor/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/church-bulletin-humor/#comments Tue, 15 Sep 2020 22:52:31 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=92 The following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church … Continue reading

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A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/#respond Tue, 15 Sep 2020 16:38:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=673 Phrase: It has long been known Translation: I haven’t bothered to look up the reference Phrase: It is believed Translation: I think Phrase: It is generally believed Translation: A couple of other guys think so too Phrase: It is not … Continue reading

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If restaurants functioned like Microsoft… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/restaurants-functioned-microsoft/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/restaurants-functioned-microsoft/#respond Tue, 15 Sep 2020 10:38:25 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=785 Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, … Continue reading

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Insurance proceeds http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/#respond Tue, 15 Sep 2020 04:24:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=655 A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire … Continue reading

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Newspaper Errors http://jokes.cosmobc.com/newspaper-errors/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/newspaper-errors/#respond Mon, 14 Sep 2020 22:10:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=140 A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730 of them published daily in the United States with a combined circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure … Continue reading

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Sunday School Drawings http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sunday-school-drawings/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sunday-school-drawings/#respond Mon, 14 Sep 2020 15:57:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1349 A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy’s picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. … Continue reading

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Blonde Joke in a Bar http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/#respond Mon, 14 Sep 2020 09:53:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=25 A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde … Continue reading

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Funny Resume Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/#respond Mon, 14 Sep 2020 03:41:37 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=696 Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. Was met with a string … Continue reading

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To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/#comments Sun, 13 Sep 2020 21:27:16 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=553 This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! ๐Ÿ˜› To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: … Continue reading

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Top 13 Worst Marketing Slogan Translations Ever http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/#comments Sun, 13 Sep 2020 15:14:01 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=245 13. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the … Continue reading

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Rough Landing http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rough-landing/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rough-landing/#respond Sun, 13 Sep 2020 08:58:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1296 An airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a ”Thanks for riding … Continue reading

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New Element! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/#respond Sun, 13 Sep 2020 02:45:45 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1332 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered! The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and … Continue reading

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