CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Wed, 01 Dec 2021 18:18:36 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.2 Cartoon Laws of Physics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/#comments Wed, 01 Dec 2021 18:18:36 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=776 Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading

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Reading between the lines http://jokes.cosmobc.com/reading-between-lines/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/reading-between-lines/#respond Wed, 01 Dec 2021 12:12:08 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=47 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always 5 … Continue reading

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FHA Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/#respond Wed, 01 Dec 2021 05:59:54 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=14 A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title … Continue reading

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The British and the Irish Collide http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-british-and-the-irish-collide/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-british-and-the-irish-collide/#respond Tue, 30 Nov 2021 23:49:50 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=113 This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the British and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, Oct 98. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-98: IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to … Continue reading

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My Wife Got Me to Believe in Religion http://jokes.cosmobc.com/wife-religion/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/wife-religion/#respond Tue, 30 Nov 2021 17:45:23 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1345 Billy: “My wife got me to believe in religion.” Joe: “Really?” Billy: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell”

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Things you don’t want to hear during surgery http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-during-surgery/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-during-surgery/#respond Tue, 30 Nov 2021 11:42:37 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=73 Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!” Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if … Continue reading

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High Blood Pressure http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/#comments Tue, 30 Nov 2021 05:32:38 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=86 When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.” “Your mother’s side or your father’s?” I asked. “Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.” “Oh, come … Continue reading

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Talking clock http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/#respond Mon, 29 Nov 2021 23:16:55 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=626 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. … Continue reading

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10 dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey http://jokes.cosmobc.com/10-dollar-bill-a-bible-and-a-bottle-of-whiskey/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/10-dollar-bill-a-bible-and-a-bottle-of-whiskey/#respond Mon, 29 Nov 2021 17:04:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=144 An older couple had a son, who was still living at home. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a … Continue reading

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Funny Classified Ads Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/#respond Mon, 29 Nov 2021 10:55:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=709 As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A … Continue reading

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Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/#respond Mon, 29 Nov 2021 04:47:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=160 A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run… run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars … Continue reading

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Murphy applied for an engineering position http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/#respond Sun, 28 Nov 2021 22:45:53 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=44 Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of … Continue reading

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Three seats http://jokes.cosmobc.com/three-seats/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/three-seats/#respond Sun, 28 Nov 2021 16:38:13 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=622 A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The … Continue reading

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The Wife http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-wife/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-wife/#comments Sun, 28 Nov 2021 10:16:31 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=129 A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, … Continue reading

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Say Something Positive http://jokes.cosmobc.com/say-something-positive/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/say-something-positive/#respond Sun, 28 Nov 2021 04:06:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=127 A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. “You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old … Continue reading

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An American was telling one of his favorite jokes… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-american-was-telling-one-of-his-favorite-jokes/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-american-was-telling-one-of-his-favorite-jokes/#respond Sat, 27 Nov 2021 21:56:11 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=3 An American was telling one of his favorite jokes to a group of friends. “Hell is a place where the cooks are British, the waiters are French, the policemen are Germans, and the trains are run by Italians.” The lone … Continue reading

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Parachute http://jokes.cosmobc.com/parachute/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/parachute/#comments Sat, 27 Nov 2021 15:48:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=633 One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the … Continue reading

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Blonde Joke in a Bar http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/#respond Sat, 27 Nov 2021 09:42:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=25 A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde … Continue reading

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Minutes and Pennies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/minutes-pennies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/minutes-pennies/#respond Sat, 27 Nov 2021 03:37:17 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1318 Man to God: God, what’s a million years to you? God: A minute. Man: What about a million dollars? God: A penny. Man: God, could I have a penny? God: Sure β€” in a minute.

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A Democrat High In The Air http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-democrat-high-in-the-air/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-democrat-high-in-the-air/#respond Fri, 26 Nov 2021 21:23:20 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=248 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him … Continue reading

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Newspaper Errors http://jokes.cosmobc.com/newspaper-errors/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/newspaper-errors/#respond Fri, 26 Nov 2021 15:16:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=140 A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730 of them published daily in the United States with a combined circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure … Continue reading

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The Mistake Test http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/#respond Fri, 26 Nov 2021 09:02:54 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=100 See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won’t work. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This … Continue reading

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Translation Fails http://jokes.cosmobc.com/translation-fails/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/translation-fails/#respond Fri, 26 Nov 2021 02:56:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=668 In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a … Continue reading

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Funny Resume Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/#respond Thu, 25 Nov 2021 20:46:46 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=696 Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. Was met with a string … Continue reading

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A Neutron Walks into a Bar… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/neutron-walks-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/neutron-walks-bar/#respond Thu, 25 Nov 2021 14:35:45 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1352 A neutron walks into a bar. “Id like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge.”

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Life Lessons Learned from Video Games http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-lessons-learned-video-games/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-lessons-learned-video-games/#respond Thu, 25 Nov 2021 08:31:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1315 There is no problem that can’t be overcome by violence. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having a lot of quarters. If it moves, shoot it. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training. If someone dies, they … Continue reading

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Bad Domain Names http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bad-domain-names/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bad-domain-names/#respond Thu, 25 Nov 2021 02:14:50 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=192 All of these are companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear – and be misread… Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web … Continue reading

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No Great Loss http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/#respond Wed, 24 Nov 2021 20:12:32 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=185 Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is … Continue reading

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The Italian who went to Malta http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-italian-who-went-to-malta/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-italian-who-went-to-malta/#respond Wed, 24 Nov 2021 14:08:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=119 (Must be read with an Italian accent) One day Ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina Morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her … Continue reading

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Computer Gender http://jokes.cosmobc.com/computer-gender/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/computer-gender/#respond Wed, 24 Nov 2021 08:06:16 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=60 Why computers should be considered masculine: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, … Continue reading

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The Pope Drives a Limousine http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/#comments Wed, 24 Nov 2021 01:52:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=720 The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much … Continue reading

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To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/#comments Tue, 23 Nov 2021 19:40:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=553 This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! πŸ˜› To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: … Continue reading

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School Excuses http://jokes.cosmobc.com/school-excuses/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/school-excuses/#respond Tue, 23 Nov 2021 13:35:57 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=154 The following are excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by the University of Texas: They were collected from Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Mississippi. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. … Continue reading

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An Atheist http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-atheist/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-atheist/#respond Tue, 23 Nov 2021 07:25:51 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=150 A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like … Continue reading

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History Of The World… maybe http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/#respond Tue, 23 Nov 2021 01:18:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=49 History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah … Continue reading

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Blonde Driver http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-driver/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-driver/#respond Mon, 22 Nov 2021 19:04:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=629 A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it… Cop : “Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?” Blonde : “Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, … Continue reading

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Funny Car Insurance Statements http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-car-insurance-statements/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-car-insurance-statements/#comments Mon, 22 Nov 2021 12:38:21 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=682 The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining. … Continue reading

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Driving license http://jokes.cosmobc.com/driving-license/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/driving-license/#respond Mon, 22 Nov 2021 06:34:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=607 Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted … Continue reading

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An Aspiring Writer http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/#respond Mon, 22 Nov 2021 00:16:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1313 There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will … Continue reading

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Why Captcha Are Evil http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/#comments Sun, 21 Nov 2021 18:00:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=528 This is the proof that captcha are evil! A funny compilation of the web’s funniest and most failed captcha. Now which are we supposed to type? Now how are we supposed to see anything in there!? Now this one is … Continue reading

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Six again http://jokes.cosmobc.com/six-again/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/six-again/#respond Sun, 21 Nov 2021 11:42:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=648 A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local … Continue reading

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Rolls-Royce and Bank Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/#respond Sun, 21 Nov 2021 05:35:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=748 A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will … Continue reading

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The Redhead http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-redhead/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-redhead/#respond Sat, 20 Nov 2021 23:32:52 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=40 A young Redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible”, says the doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee … Continue reading

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Scottish & English Armies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-english-armies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-english-armies/#respond Sat, 20 Nov 2021 17:26:55 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=158 In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight. One morning … Continue reading

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Things Not To Say During Childbirth… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-not-to-say-during-childbirth/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-not-to-say-during-childbirth/#respond Sat, 20 Nov 2021 11:08:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=166 — Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. — Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts? — I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in … Continue reading

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Insurance proceeds http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/#respond Sat, 20 Nov 2021 04:56:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=655 A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire … Continue reading

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Horseback cop http://jokes.cosmobc.com/horseback-cop/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/horseback-cop/#respond Fri, 19 Nov 2021 22:37:52 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=615 On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that … Continue reading

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Funny Menu http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-menu/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-menu/#comments Fri, 19 Nov 2021 16:31:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=94 The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants. Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce – China Indonesian Nazi Goreng – … Continue reading

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Where is God? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/#respond Fri, 19 Nov 2021 10:18:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=53 A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading

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Essential Desert Objects http://jokes.cosmobc.com/essential-desert-objects/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/essential-desert-objects/#comments Fri, 19 Nov 2021 04:14:58 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=190 A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, … Continue reading

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