CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Wed, 29 Jan 2020 20:24:41 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines http://jokes.cosmobc.com/if-operating-systems-ran-the-airlines/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/if-operating-systems-ran-the-airlines/#respond Wed, 29 Jan 2020 20:24:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=63 UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are … Continue reading

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Stupid Questions to Park Rangers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stupid-questions-to-park-rangers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stupid-questions-to-park-rangers/#respond Wed, 29 Jan 2020 14:14:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=705 Who Says There’s No Such Thing As a Stupid Question? These are questions that people actually asked of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside … Continue reading

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A Programmer Joke http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-programmer-joke/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-programmer-joke/#comments Wed, 29 Jan 2020 08:00:35 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=646 Three guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is … Continue reading

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Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman in a Pub http://jokes.cosmobc.com/englishman-a-scotsman-and-an-irishman-in-a-pub/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/englishman-a-scotsman-and-an-irishman-in-a-pub/#respond Wed, 29 Jan 2020 01:48:59 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=27 One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and … Continue reading

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A Letter From an Irish Mother http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-letter-from-an-irish-mother/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-letter-from-an-irish-mother/#respond Tue, 28 Jan 2020 19:32:59 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=111 Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I’m writing this slowly because I know you can’t read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, ‘cos we’ve moved. Your Father has a … Continue reading

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Rough Landing http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rough-landing/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rough-landing/#respond Tue, 28 Jan 2020 13:25:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1296 An airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a ”Thanks for riding … Continue reading

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The Redhead http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-redhead/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-redhead/#respond Tue, 28 Jan 2020 13:25:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=40 A young Redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible”, says the doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee … Continue reading

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Blonde Joke in a Bar http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/#respond Tue, 28 Jan 2020 07:09:46 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=25 A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde … Continue reading

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What All Those Acronyms Really Mean http://jokes.cosmobc.com/what-all-those-acronyms-really-mean/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/what-all-those-acronyms-really-mean/#comments Tue, 28 Jan 2020 01:02:29 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=56 ISDN = It Still Does Nothing APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity IBM = I Blame Microsoft DEC = Do Expect Cuts CA = Constant Acquisitions CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too. SCSI … Continue reading

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Drive Through ATM Procedures http://jokes.cosmobc.com/drive-through-atm-procedures/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/drive-through-atm-procedures/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2020 18:34:27 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=12 Please note that Banks are installing new “Drive-through” teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. MALE PROCEDURE * 1 … Continue reading

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Sleeping Pills http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/#comments Mon, 27 Jan 2020 12:17:46 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=205 An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” … Continue reading

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The Mistake Test http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2020 06:11:13 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=100 See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won’t work. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This … Continue reading

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A Class Act http://jokes.cosmobc.com/class-act/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/class-act/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2020 00:01:11 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1579 A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, โ€œYou are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.โ€ The frog is thrilled! โ€œThis is great! Will I meet her … Continue reading

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Six Again http://jokes.cosmobc.com/six-again/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/six-again/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2020 00:01:10 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=648 A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local … Continue reading

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Donation http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/#respond Sun, 26 Jan 2020 17:49:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=650 A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a … Continue reading

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The Old Native American Wanted a Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/#respond Sun, 26 Jan 2020 11:39:08 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=106 The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for … Continue reading

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Webcomic: The 10 Stages of Software Development http://jokes.cosmobc.com/webcomic-the-10-stages-of-software-development/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/webcomic-the-10-stages-of-software-development/#comments Sun, 26 Jan 2020 05:26:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=337 This webcomic explains the ten stages of software development in a funny way. Each person understood it differently! As a programmer I would have to say that this scenario is pretty often quite accurate. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Job Interview http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/#respond Sat, 25 Jan 2020 23:10:50 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=658 Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on … Continue reading

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On Their Way Home From the Bar… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/on-their-way-home-from-the-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/on-their-way-home-from-the-bar/#respond Sat, 25 Jan 2020 17:03:31 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=29 John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very … Continue reading

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Holmes and Watson http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/#respond Sat, 25 Jan 2020 17:03:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1330 Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, … Continue reading

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Life Lessons Learned From Video Games http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-lessons-learned-video-games/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-lessons-learned-video-games/#respond Sat, 25 Jan 2020 10:49:53 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1315 There is no problem that can’t be overcome by violence. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having a lot of quarters. If it moves, shoot it. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training. If someone dies, they … Continue reading

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Funny Classified Ads Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/#respond Sat, 25 Jan 2020 04:47:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=709 As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A … Continue reading

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Famous Last Words http://jokes.cosmobc.com/famous-words/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/famous-words/#respond Fri, 24 Jan 2020 22:40:01 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1334 I’ll get a world record for this. Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press. Hey there’s no handles inside these car doors! It’s fireproof. He’s probably just hibernating. What does this button do? I’m … Continue reading

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A Texan Down Under http://jokes.cosmobc.com/texan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/texan/#respond Fri, 24 Jan 2020 22:40:00 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1325 A Texan came Down Under for a holiday, and was being shown around one of the cattle stations in the Northern Territory. As they were driving along, the Texan pointed at a cow and asked what it was. The station … Continue reading

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Things Not To Say During Childbirth… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-not-to-say-during-childbirth/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-not-to-say-during-childbirth/#respond Fri, 24 Jan 2020 16:20:29 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=166 — Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. — Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts? — I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in … Continue reading

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Parachute http://jokes.cosmobc.com/parachute/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/parachute/#comments Fri, 24 Jan 2020 16:20:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=633 One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the … Continue reading

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Insurance Proceeds http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/#respond Fri, 24 Jan 2020 10:15:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=655 A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire … Continue reading

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Republicans, Democrats http://jokes.cosmobc.com/republicans-democrats/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/republicans-democrats/#comments Fri, 24 Jan 2020 04:03:56 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=146 A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty … Continue reading

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An Italian Man Gets One Wish http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-italian-man-gets-one-wish/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-italian-man-gets-one-wish/#respond Thu, 23 Jan 2020 21:59:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=117 An Italian man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.” Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, … Continue reading

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To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/#comments Thu, 23 Jan 2020 15:42:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=553 This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! ๐Ÿ˜› To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: … Continue reading

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No Great Loss http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/#respond Thu, 23 Jan 2020 09:37:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=185 Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is … Continue reading

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Late Train http://jokes.cosmobc.com/late-train/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/late-train/#respond Thu, 23 Jan 2020 03:34:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=599 A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of … Continue reading

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Funny Resume Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/#respond Wed, 22 Jan 2020 21:27:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=696 Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. Was met with a string … Continue reading

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Talking Clock http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/#respond Wed, 22 Jan 2020 15:22:16 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=626 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. … Continue reading

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FHA Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/#respond Wed, 22 Jan 2020 09:16:13 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=14 A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title … Continue reading

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High Blood Pressure http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/#comments Wed, 22 Jan 2020 09:16:13 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=86 When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.” “Your mother’s side or your father’s?” I asked. “Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.” “Oh, come … Continue reading

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Courtroom Humor http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-humor/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-humor/#comments Wed, 22 Jan 2020 03:08:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=688 Judge: I know you, don’t I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: … Continue reading

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Honey, I Found Your Golf Ball http://jokes.cosmobc.com/honey-i-found-your-golf-ball/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/honey-i-found-your-golf-ball/#comments Tue, 21 Jan 2020 20:49:10 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=187 A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I … Continue reading

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Actors http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/#respond Tue, 21 Jan 2020 14:45:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=636 Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. “Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan … Continue reading

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Map Win! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/#respond Tue, 21 Jan 2020 08:23:14 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=663 North America looks like a dragon spitting fire!

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Signs That Star Trek Is Taking Over Your Life http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-star-trek-life/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-star-trek-life/#respond Tue, 21 Jan 2020 02:22:21 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1302 Saying “make it so” in casual conversation Indignation because the periodic table doesn’t include dilithium and tritanium. Able to use “variable phase inverter” in a sentence without excessive thought first More than one pair of Spock ears on junk drawer … Continue reading

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Job Application http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/#respond Mon, 20 Jan 2020 20:14:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=609 A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he … Continue reading

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Bank Name http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bank-name/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bank-name/#comments Mon, 20 Jan 2020 14:08:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=10 Piggy BankMother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill … Continue reading

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You Just Might Be a Graduate Student If… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/#respond Mon, 20 Jan 2020 08:02:52 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1310 you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate. your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. you are startled … Continue reading

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Blonde Riding a Horse http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-riding-a-horse/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-riding-a-horse/#respond Mon, 20 Jan 2020 01:57:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=36 A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, … Continue reading

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Cartoon Laws of Physics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/#comments Sun, 19 Jan 2020 19:42:22 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=776 Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading

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Corporate Stupidity http://jokes.cosmobc.com/corporate-stupidity/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/corporate-stupidity/#comments Sun, 19 Jan 2020 13:28:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=568 “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA) “What I need is … Continue reading

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A Doctor and a Lawyer Met at a Party http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-doctor-and-a-lawyer-met-at-a-party/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-doctor-and-a-lawyer-met-at-a-party/#comments Sun, 19 Jan 2020 13:28:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=71 A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, “Tell me, what do you do to stop … Continue reading

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Ticket, Please! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/ticket-please/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/ticket-please/#respond Sun, 19 Jan 2020 07:18:00 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=162 Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the … Continue reading

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New Element! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/#respond Sun, 19 Jan 2020 07:17:59 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1332 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered! The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and … Continue reading

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