CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Thu, 22 Apr 2021 20:23:26 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.7.1 Top 13 Worst Marketing Slogan Translations Ever http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-13-worst-marketing-slogan-translations-ever/#comments Thu, 22 Apr 2021 20:23:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=245 13. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the … Continue reading

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Irish diplomacy http://jokes.cosmobc.com/irish-diplomacy/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/irish-diplomacy/#respond Thu, 22 Apr 2021 14:05:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=108 Q. What is Irish diplomacy? A. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he will look forward to making the trip.

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R. D. Jones And His Sewing Machine http://jokes.cosmobc.com/r-d-jones-and-his-sewing-machine/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/r-d-jones-and-his-sewing-machine/#respond Thu, 22 Apr 2021 07:42:33 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=138 The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row – the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day’s mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. … Continue reading

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Some Funny Fails http://jokes.cosmobc.com/some-funny-fails/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/some-funny-fails/#comments Thu, 22 Apr 2021 01:34:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=559 Below are a few funny fails I’ve come across: “Go Play” – A really bad suggestion on a matchbox! Furthermore: “Play better, play in moderation” LOL The programming behind the cake printing mechanism has failed massively here!

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Holmes and Watson http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/#respond Wed, 21 Apr 2021 19:29:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1330 Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, … Continue reading

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Bill Gates Died and Went to Heaven http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bill-gates-died-and-went-to-heaven/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/bill-gates-died-and-went-to-heaven/#respond Wed, 21 Apr 2021 13:23:13 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=58 Bill Gates died and went to Heaven. Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the … Continue reading

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Corporate Stupidity http://jokes.cosmobc.com/corporate-stupidity/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/corporate-stupidity/#comments Wed, 21 Apr 2021 07:12:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=568 “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA) “What I need is … Continue reading

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Cartoon Laws of Physics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/#comments Wed, 21 Apr 2021 01:09:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=776 Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading

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Microsoft Air http://jokes.cosmobc.com/microsoft-air/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/microsoft-air/#respond Tue, 20 Apr 2021 19:04:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=65 There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. … Continue reading

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Republicans, Democrats http://jokes.cosmobc.com/republicans-democrats/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/republicans-democrats/#comments Tue, 20 Apr 2021 12:56:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=146 A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty … Continue reading

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A Democrat High In The Air http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-democrat-high-in-the-air/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-democrat-high-in-the-air/#respond Tue, 20 Apr 2021 06:51:15 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=248 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him … Continue reading

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Lifeboat http://jokes.cosmobc.com/lifeboat/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/lifeboat/#respond Tue, 20 Apr 2021 00:43:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=98 After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when … Continue reading

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Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/#respond Mon, 19 Apr 2021 18:32:54 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=160 A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run… run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars … Continue reading

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Rolls-Royce and Bank Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/#respond Mon, 19 Apr 2021 12:23:55 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=748 A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will … Continue reading

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Funny Menu http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-menu/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-menu/#comments Mon, 19 Apr 2021 06:13:50 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=94 The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants. Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce – China Indonesian Nazi Goreng – … Continue reading

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Funny Classified Ads Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/#respond Sun, 18 Apr 2021 23:58:09 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=709 As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A … Continue reading

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Blonde Riding a Horse http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-riding-a-horse/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-riding-a-horse/#respond Sun, 18 Apr 2021 17:53:09 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=36 A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, … Continue reading

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Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman in a Pub http://jokes.cosmobc.com/englishman-a-scotsman-and-an-irishman-in-a-pub/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/englishman-a-scotsman-and-an-irishman-in-a-pub/#respond Sun, 18 Apr 2021 11:41:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=27 One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and … Continue reading

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History Of The World… maybe http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/#respond Sun, 18 Apr 2021 05:39:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=49 History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah … Continue reading

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Reading between the lines http://jokes.cosmobc.com/reading-between-lines/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/reading-between-lines/#respond Sat, 17 Apr 2021 23:31:56 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=47 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always 5 … Continue reading

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Fathers about Daughters http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/#respond Sat, 17 Apr 2021 17:18:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=84 Any father will tell you that parents spend the first 2-3 years of a daughter’s life trying to teach them to talk, and the next 15 or so trying to get them to shut-up.

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The Mirror http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/#respond Sat, 17 Apr 2021 11:09:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=38 Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth one is granted a wish. … Continue reading

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A Priest and a Bus Driver Died and Went to Heaven http://jokes.cosmobc.com/priest-bus-driver-died-heaven/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/priest-bus-driver-died-heaven/#respond Sat, 17 Apr 2021 05:01:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1339 A priest and a bus driver both died and went to Heaven at the same time. They get to the pearly gates where Pope St. Peter greets them. He motions to the priest, and they both hop in a jeep … Continue reading

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Six again http://jokes.cosmobc.com/six-again/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/six-again/#respond Fri, 16 Apr 2021 22:53:14 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=648 A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local … Continue reading

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Where is God? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/#respond Fri, 16 Apr 2021 16:40:47 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=53 A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading

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On their way home from the bar… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/on-their-way-home-from-the-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/on-their-way-home-from-the-bar/#respond Fri, 16 Apr 2021 10:29:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=29 John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very … Continue reading

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Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-ten-things-that-men-understand-about-women/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-ten-things-that-men-understand-about-women/#respond Fri, 16 Apr 2021 04:18:10 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=134 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

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Minutes and Pennies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/minutes-pennies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/minutes-pennies/#respond Thu, 15 Apr 2021 22:06:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1318 Man to God: God, what’s a million years to you? God: A minute. Man: What about a million dollars? God: A penny. Man: God, could I have a penny? God: Sure — in a minute.

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Only in America http://jokes.cosmobc.com/only-in-america/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/only-in-america/#respond Thu, 15 Apr 2021 16:01:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=8 Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Continue reading

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Creative Defense http://jokes.cosmobc.com/creative-defense/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/creative-defense/#respond Thu, 15 Apr 2021 09:41:21 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=653 A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can … Continue reading

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Where is your homework? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/#respond Thu, 15 Apr 2021 03:31:09 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=156 Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.

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The Mistake Test http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/#respond Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:26:08 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=100 See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won’t work. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This … Continue reading

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Funny Billboard http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-billboard/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-billboard/#comments Wed, 14 Apr 2021 15:14:02 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=584 “Well, you did ask for a sign” – God That’s a funny billboard 🙂

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Actors http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/#respond Wed, 14 Apr 2021 09:02:05 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=636 Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. “Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan … Continue reading

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Translation Fails http://jokes.cosmobc.com/translation-fails/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/translation-fails/#respond Wed, 14 Apr 2021 02:53:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=668 In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a … Continue reading

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Life Lessons Learned from Video Games http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-lessons-learned-video-games/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-lessons-learned-video-games/#respond Tue, 13 Apr 2021 20:44:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1315 There is no problem that can’t be overcome by violence. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having a lot of quarters. If it moves, shoot it. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training. If someone dies, they … Continue reading

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An Italian businessman on his deathbed http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-italian-businessman-on-his-deathbed/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/an-italian-businessman-on-his-deathbed/#respond Tue, 13 Apr 2021 14:43:05 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=115 A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, “Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.” “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do … Continue reading

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Drive Through ATM Procedures http://jokes.cosmobc.com/drive-through-atm-procedures/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/drive-through-atm-procedures/#respond Tue, 13 Apr 2021 08:35:42 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=12 Please note that Banks are installing new “Drive-through” teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. MALE PROCEDURE * 1 … Continue reading

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20 Things that never happen in Star Trek http://jokes.cosmobc.com/20-happen-star-trek/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/20-happen-star-trek/#respond Tue, 13 Apr 2021 02:30:50 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1304 The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly alright. Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and … Continue reading

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Newspaper Errors http://jokes.cosmobc.com/newspaper-errors/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/newspaper-errors/#respond Mon, 12 Apr 2021 20:25:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=140 A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730 of them published daily in the United States with a combined circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure … Continue reading

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Cafeteria in a Catholic Elementary School http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cafeteria-catholic-elementary-school/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cafeteria-catholic-elementary-school/#respond Mon, 12 Apr 2021 14:17:58 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1341 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only … Continue reading

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Magic Pool http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/#respond Mon, 12 Apr 2021 08:01:46 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=596 There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is … Continue reading

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A Neutron Walks into a Bar… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/neutron-walks-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/neutron-walks-bar/#respond Mon, 12 Apr 2021 01:53:22 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1352 A neutron walks into a bar. “Id like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge.”

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Donation http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/#respond Sun, 11 Apr 2021 19:45:08 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=650 A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a … Continue reading

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Job Interview http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/#respond Sun, 11 Apr 2021 13:34:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=658 Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on … Continue reading

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Signs Technology Took Over Your Life http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-technology-took-over-your-life/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/signs-technology-took-over-your-life/#respond Sun, 11 Apr 2021 07:31:29 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=68 1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. … Continue reading

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Sleeping Pills http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/#comments Sun, 11 Apr 2021 01:22:45 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=205 An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” … Continue reading

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FHA Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/#respond Sat, 10 Apr 2021 19:12:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=14 A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title … Continue reading

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To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/#comments Sat, 10 Apr 2021 13:06:21 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=553 This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! 😛 To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: … Continue reading

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The Old Native American Wanted a Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/#respond Sat, 10 Apr 2021 06:58:23 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=106 The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for … Continue reading

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