CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Fri, 20 May 2022 23:19:18 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.9.3 Sleeping Pills http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/#comments Fri, 20 May 2022 23:19:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=205 An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” … Continue reading

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Rolls-Royce and Bank Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/rolls-royce-bank-loan/#respond Fri, 20 May 2022 17:06:25 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=748 A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will … Continue reading

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Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/boyfriend-50-to-husband-10/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/boyfriend-50-to-husband-10/#respond Fri, 20 May 2022 10:45:40 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=125 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled … Continue reading

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A Democrat High In The Air http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-democrat-high-in-the-air/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-democrat-high-in-the-air/#respond Fri, 20 May 2022 04:36:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=248 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him … Continue reading

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More Ad Placement Fail http://jokes.cosmobc.com/more-ad-placement-fail/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/more-ad-placement-fail/#comments Thu, 19 May 2022 22:25:20 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=234 I was unable to post for a while because I have been very busy lately, but here are some more ad placement fail pictures, as promised: “Come a little closer” “Two women to be stoned for adultery, says Amnesty” “aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” … Continue reading

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Some Funny Google Fails http://jokes.cosmobc.com/some-funny-google-fails/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/some-funny-google-fails/#comments Thu, 19 May 2022 16:15:16 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=543 Google Auto Suggest is, as we can see from its name, an automated suggestion system. It is based on popular search queries. Since there’s a lot of weird people out there, Google will sometimes make some weird suggestions, as shown … Continue reading

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History Of The World… maybe http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/history-of-the-world-maybe/#respond Thu, 19 May 2022 09:49:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=49 History of the world according to actual grade school student exam papers! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah … Continue reading

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Job Interview http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/#respond Thu, 19 May 2022 03:40:01 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=658 Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on … Continue reading

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Settling a Cow Case http://jokes.cosmobc.com/settling-cow-case/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/settling-cow-case/#respond Wed, 18 May 2022 21:28:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=770 A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of … Continue reading

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Honey, I Found Your Golf Ball http://jokes.cosmobc.com/honey-i-found-your-golf-ball/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/honey-i-found-your-golf-ball/#comments Wed, 18 May 2022 15:26:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=187 A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I … Continue reading

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Holmes and Watson http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/holmes-watson/#respond Wed, 18 May 2022 09:13:57 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1330 Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, … Continue reading

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The Old Native American Wanted a Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-old-native-american-wanted-a-loan/#respond Wed, 18 May 2022 03:00:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=106 The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for … Continue reading

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New Element! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/#respond Tue, 17 May 2022 20:55:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1332 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered! The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and … Continue reading

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More Words http://jokes.cosmobc.com/more-words/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/more-words/#comments Tue, 17 May 2022 14:41:53 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=179 A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. It read, “Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000.” Excited to prove to his wife that he had … Continue reading

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On Anglicans http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/#respond Tue, 17 May 2022 08:28:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1343 Q. Why can’t Anglicans play chess? A. Because they can’t tell a Bishop from a Queen.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road/#respond Tue, 17 May 2022 02:21:16 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=148 GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against … Continue reading

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20 Things that never happen in Star Trek http://jokes.cosmobc.com/20-happen-star-trek/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/20-happen-star-trek/#respond Mon, 16 May 2022 20:04:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1304 The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly alright. Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and … Continue reading

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The Pope Drives a Limousine http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-pope-drives-a-limousine/#comments Mon, 16 May 2022 13:50:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=720 The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much … Continue reading

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No Great Loss http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/#respond Mon, 16 May 2022 07:50:35 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=185 Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is … Continue reading

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Funny Classified Ads Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-classified-ads-bloopers/#respond Mon, 16 May 2022 01:46:23 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=709 As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A … Continue reading

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You know you are Italian http://jokes.cosmobc.com/you-know-you-are-italian/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/you-know-you-are-italian/#respond Sun, 15 May 2022 19:41:23 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=121 You know you’re Italian when… You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you. You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can’t fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 … Continue reading

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Where is your homework? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-your-homework/#respond Sun, 15 May 2022 13:31:11 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=156 Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.

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No Parking Sign http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-parking-sign/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-parking-sign/#respond Sun, 15 May 2022 07:11:22 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=639 “No parking near my house. Get your own wireless network!”

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Talking clock http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/talking-clock/#respond Sun, 15 May 2022 01:04:22 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=626 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. … Continue reading

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Magic Pool http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/magic-pool/#respond Sat, 14 May 2022 18:53:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=596 There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is … Continue reading

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The British and the Irish Collide http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-british-and-the-irish-collide/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-british-and-the-irish-collide/#respond Sat, 14 May 2022 12:48:33 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=113 This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the British and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, Oct 98. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-98: IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to … Continue reading

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In Order Of Stupidity… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/in-order-of-stupidity/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/in-order-of-stupidity/#comments Sat, 14 May 2022 06:45:36 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=96 In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that’s the only time I … Continue reading

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The Italian who went to Malta http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-italian-who-went-to-malta/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-italian-who-went-to-malta/#respond Sat, 14 May 2022 00:41:27 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=119 (Must be read with an Italian accent) One day Ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina Morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her … Continue reading

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Fathers about Daughters http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/#respond Fri, 13 May 2022 18:40:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=84 Any father will tell you that parents spend the first 2-3 years of a daughter’s life trying to teach them to talk, and the next 15 or so trying to get them to shut-up.

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The 25 Best Newspaper Headlines of 1999 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-25-best-newspaper-headlines-of-1999/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-25-best-newspaper-headlines-of-1999/#respond Fri, 13 May 2022 12:29:04 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=136 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say 2. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 6. Is There … Continue reading

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The Mirror http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mirror/#respond Fri, 13 May 2022 06:24:03 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=38 Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth one is granted a wish. … Continue reading

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The Stella Awards http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/#respond Fri, 13 May 2022 00:19:24 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=102 The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The “Stella” Award – for the most frivolous … Continue reading

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You Just Might Be a Graduate Student if… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/#respond Thu, 12 May 2022 18:06:59 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1310 you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate. your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. you are startled … Continue reading

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To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/#comments Thu, 12 May 2022 11:52:16 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=553 This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! 😛 To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: … Continue reading

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Scottish & English Armies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-english-armies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-english-armies/#respond Thu, 12 May 2022 05:43:30 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=158 In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight. One morning … Continue reading

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Essential Desert Objects http://jokes.cosmobc.com/essential-desert-objects/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/essential-desert-objects/#comments Wed, 11 May 2022 23:41:04 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=190 A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, … Continue reading

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Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman in a Pub http://jokes.cosmobc.com/englishman-a-scotsman-and-an-irishman-in-a-pub/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/englishman-a-scotsman-and-an-irishman-in-a-pub/#respond Wed, 11 May 2022 17:33:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=27 One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and … Continue reading

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Job Application http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/#respond Wed, 11 May 2022 11:21:58 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=609 A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he … Continue reading

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Webcomic: The 10 stages of software development http://jokes.cosmobc.com/webcomic-the-10-stages-of-software-development/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/webcomic-the-10-stages-of-software-development/#comments Wed, 11 May 2022 05:19:54 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=337 This webcomic explains the ten stages of software development in a funny way. Each person understood it differently! As a programmer I would have to say that this scenario is pretty often quite accurate. 🙂

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Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/scottish-immigrant-attends-his-first-baseball-game/#respond Tue, 10 May 2022 23:09:19 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=160 A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run… run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars … Continue reading

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Minutes and Pennies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/minutes-pennies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/minutes-pennies/#respond Tue, 10 May 2022 16:58:44 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1318 Man to God: God, what’s a million years to you? God: A minute. Man: What about a million dollars? God: A penny. Man: God, could I have a penny? God: Sure — in a minute.

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Why Captcha Are Evil http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/#comments Tue, 10 May 2022 10:42:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=528 This is the proof that captcha are evil! A funny compilation of the web’s funniest and most failed captcha. Now which are we supposed to type? Now how are we supposed to see anything in there!? Now this one is … Continue reading

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Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-ten-things-that-men-understand-about-women/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/top-ten-things-that-men-understand-about-women/#respond Tue, 10 May 2022 04:27:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=134 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

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Map Win! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/map-win/#respond Mon, 09 May 2022 22:10:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=663 North America looks like a dragon spitting fire!

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No Horns http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/#respond Mon, 09 May 2022 15:54:05 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=644 “Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage … Continue reading

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An Aspiring Writer http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/#respond Mon, 09 May 2022 09:47:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1313 There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will … Continue reading

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Computer Gender http://jokes.cosmobc.com/computer-gender/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/computer-gender/#respond Mon, 09 May 2022 03:40:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=60 Why computers should be considered masculine: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, … Continue reading

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Long Line http://jokes.cosmobc.com/long-line/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/long-line/#respond Sun, 08 May 2022 21:33:11 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=619 It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A … Continue reading

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Insurance proceeds http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/#respond Sun, 08 May 2022 15:30:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=655 A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire … Continue reading

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Disorder In The Court http://jokes.cosmobc.com/disorder-in-the-court/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/disorder-in-the-court/#respond Sun, 08 May 2022 09:16:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=123 Things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats … Continue reading

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