CosmoBC.com Jokes http://jokes.cosmobc.com The Blog for Jokes and Funny Stuff! Sun, 12 Jul 2020 18:21:36 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.4.2 Actors http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/actors/#respond Sun, 12 Jul 2020 18:21:36 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=636 Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. “Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan … Continue reading

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New Element! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/element/#respond Sun, 12 Jul 2020 12:12:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1332 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered! The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and … Continue reading

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Things Not To Say During Childbirth… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-not-to-say-during-childbirth/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/things-not-to-say-during-childbirth/#respond Sun, 12 Jul 2020 06:11:48 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=166 — Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. — Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts? — I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in … Continue reading

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Sleeping Pills http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sleeping-pills/#comments Sun, 12 Jul 2020 00:07:32 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=205 An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” … Continue reading

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The Mistake Test http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-mistake-test/#respond Sat, 11 Jul 2020 18:03:09 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=100 See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won’t work. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This … Continue reading

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High Blood Pressure http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/high-blood-pressure/#comments Sat, 11 Jul 2020 11:56:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=86 When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.” “Your mother’s side or your father’s?” I asked. “Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.” “Oh, come … Continue reading

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Donation http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/donation/#respond Sat, 11 Jul 2020 05:52:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=650 A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a … Continue reading

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FHA Loan http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fha-loan/#respond Fri, 10 Jul 2020 23:45:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=14 A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title … Continue reading

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Job Application http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-application/#respond Fri, 10 Jul 2020 17:35:21 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=609 A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he … Continue reading

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A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-guide-to-effective-scientific-communication/#respond Fri, 10 Jul 2020 11:31:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=673 Phrase: It has long been known Translation: I haven’t bothered to look up the reference Phrase: It is believed Translation: I think Phrase: It is generally believed Translation: A couple of other guys think so too Phrase: It is not … Continue reading

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More Ad Placement Fail http://jokes.cosmobc.com/more-ad-placement-fail/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/more-ad-placement-fail/#comments Fri, 10 Jul 2020 05:28:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=234 I was unable to post for a while because I have been very busy lately, but here are some more ad placement fail pictures, as promised: “Come a little closer” “Two women to be stoned for adultery, says Amnesty” “aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” … Continue reading

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Sunday School Drawings http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sunday-school-drawings/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/sunday-school-drawings/#respond Thu, 09 Jul 2020 23:17:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1349 A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy’s picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. … Continue reading

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Funny Resume Bloopers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/funny-resume-bloopers/#respond Thu, 09 Jul 2020 17:12:37 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=696 Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. Was met with a string … Continue reading

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Church Bulletin Humor http://jokes.cosmobc.com/church-bulletin-humor/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/church-bulletin-humor/#comments Thu, 09 Jul 2020 11:06:32 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=92 The following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church … Continue reading

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Catholic Terminology http://jokes.cosmobc.com/catholic-terminology/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/catholic-terminology/#respond Thu, 09 Jul 2020 04:58:11 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1347 AMEN – The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN – Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR – A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER – A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. … Continue reading

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No Great Loss http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-great-loss/#respond Wed, 08 Jul 2020 22:49:35 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=185 Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is … Continue reading

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30 Funny Twitter Comics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/30-funny-twitter-comics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/30-funny-twitter-comics/#comments Wed, 08 Jul 2020 16:42:37 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=197 30 Funny Twitter Comics PS. If you do not Tweet you will probably not get this xD

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Only in America http://jokes.cosmobc.com/only-in-america/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/only-in-america/#respond Wed, 08 Jul 2020 10:41:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=8 Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Continue reading

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The Bible According to Kids http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-bible-according-to-kids/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-bible-according-to-kids/#respond Wed, 08 Jul 2020 04:38:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=51 The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so … Continue reading

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Job Interview http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/job-interview/#respond Tue, 07 Jul 2020 22:24:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=658 Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on … Continue reading

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The Italian who went to Malta http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-italian-who-went-to-malta/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-italian-who-went-to-malta/#respond Tue, 07 Jul 2020 16:14:11 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=119 (Must be read with an Italian accent) One day Ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina Morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her … Continue reading

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On Anglicans http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/anglicans/#respond Tue, 07 Jul 2020 10:07:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1343 Q. Why can’t Anglicans play chess? A. Because they can’t tell a Bishop from a Queen.

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Painting http://jokes.cosmobc.com/painting/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/painting/#comments Tue, 07 Jul 2020 03:54:07 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=604 A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had … Continue reading

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A Blonde Game Of Intelligence http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/a-blonde-game-of-intelligence/#respond Mon, 06 Jul 2020 21:51:39 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=32 There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and … Continue reading

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Why Captcha Are Evil http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/why-captcha-are-evil/#comments Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:45:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=528 This is the proof that captcha are evil! A funny compilation of the web’s funniest and most failed captcha. Now which are we supposed to type? Now how are we supposed to see anything in there!? Now this one is … Continue reading

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Cartoon Laws of Physics http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cartoon-laws-physics/#comments Mon, 06 Jul 2020 09:37:32 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=776 Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading

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Late Train http://jokes.cosmobc.com/late-train/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/late-train/#respond Mon, 06 Jul 2020 03:28:00 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=599 A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of … Continue reading

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To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/to-boldly-go-where-no-dog-has-gone-before/#comments Sun, 05 Jul 2020 21:21:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=553 This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! 😛 To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: … Continue reading

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Blonde Joke in a Bar http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/blonde-joke-in-a-bar/#respond Sun, 05 Jul 2020 15:12:41 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=25 A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde … Continue reading

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If restaurants functioned like Microsoft… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/restaurants-functioned-microsoft/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/restaurants-functioned-microsoft/#respond Sun, 05 Jul 2020 08:59:21 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=785 Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, … Continue reading

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Stupid Questions to Park Rangers http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stupid-questions-to-park-rangers/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/stupid-questions-to-park-rangers/#respond Sun, 05 Jul 2020 02:51:52 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=705 Who Says There’s No Such Thing As a Stupid Question? These are questions that people actually asked of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside … Continue reading

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Lifeboat http://jokes.cosmobc.com/lifeboat/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/lifeboat/#respond Sat, 04 Jul 2020 20:39:45 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=98 After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when … Continue reading

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When Does Life Begin? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-begin/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/life-begin/#respond Sat, 04 Jul 2020 14:27:29 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1575 A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priests says, “It begins at conception”. The minister says, “Life begins at 24 weeks gestation”. The rabbi says, “You are both wrong, Life begins when the kids … Continue reading

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Cafeteria in a Catholic Elementary School http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cafeteria-catholic-elementary-school/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/cafeteria-catholic-elementary-school/#respond Sat, 04 Jul 2020 08:25:14 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1341 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only … Continue reading

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Say Something Positive http://jokes.cosmobc.com/say-something-positive/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/say-something-positive/#respond Sat, 04 Jul 2020 02:17:51 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=127 A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. “You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old … Continue reading

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Where is God? http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/where-is-god/#respond Fri, 03 Jul 2020 20:06:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=53 A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading

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An Aspiring Writer http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/aspiring-writer/#respond Fri, 03 Jul 2020 14:04:06 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1313 There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will … Continue reading

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The Stella Awards http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/the-stella-awards/#respond Fri, 03 Jul 2020 07:54:43 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=102 The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The “Stella” Award – for the most frivolous … Continue reading

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A Priest and a Bus Driver Died and Went to Heaven http://jokes.cosmobc.com/priest-bus-driver-died-heaven/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/priest-bus-driver-died-heaven/#respond Fri, 03 Jul 2020 01:38:28 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1339 A priest and a bus driver both died and went to Heaven at the same time. They get to the pearly gates where Pope St. Peter greets them. He motions to the priest, and they both hop in a jeep … Continue reading

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Corporate Stupidity http://jokes.cosmobc.com/corporate-stupidity/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/corporate-stupidity/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2020 19:33:49 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=568 “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA) “What I need is … Continue reading

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Courtroom Humor http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-humor/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/courtroom-humor/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2020 13:27:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=688 Judge: I know you, don’t I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: … Continue reading

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Fathers about Daughters http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/fathers-about-daughters/#respond Thu, 02 Jul 2020 07:25:34 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=84 Any father will tell you that parents spend the first 2-3 years of a daughter’s life trying to teach them to talk, and the next 15 or so trying to get them to shut-up.

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Insurance proceeds http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/insurance-proceeds/#respond Thu, 02 Jul 2020 01:15:25 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=655 A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire … Continue reading

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You Just Might Be a Graduate Student if… http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/graduate-student-if/#respond Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:12:53 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1310 you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate. your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. you are startled … Continue reading

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No Horns http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/no-horns/#respond Wed, 01 Jul 2020 13:08:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=644 “Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage … Continue reading

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Murphy applied for an engineering position http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/murphy-applied-for-an-engineering-position/#respond Wed, 01 Jul 2020 07:07:09 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=44 Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of … Continue reading

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Hunting Flies http://jokes.cosmobc.com/hunting-flies/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/hunting-flies/#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2020 00:57:26 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=176 A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies,” he responded. “Oh!, Killed any?” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she … Continue reading

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A Class Act http://jokes.cosmobc.com/class-act/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/class-act/#respond Tue, 30 Jun 2020 18:48:18 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=1579 A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her … Continue reading

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10 dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey http://jokes.cosmobc.com/10-dollar-bill-a-bible-and-a-bottle-of-whiskey/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/10-dollar-bill-a-bible-and-a-bottle-of-whiskey/#respond Tue, 30 Jun 2020 12:44:29 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=144 An older couple had a son, who was still living at home. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a … Continue reading

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Ad Placement Fail http://jokes.cosmobc.com/ad-placement-fail/ http://jokes.cosmobc.com/ad-placement-fail/#comments Tue, 30 Jun 2020 06:26:12 +0000 http://jokes.cosmobc.com/?p=229 Some advertising placement can give funny or unfortunate results. Here are a few of them: “Strike Against Free Software: Microsoft Enters Catalonian Schools” Yahoo Fail!

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