Children

  • 10 Dollars Bill USD
    Children,  School

    The Biggest Lie

    Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

  • Child Bible
    Children,  Christian,  School

    The Bible According to Kids

    The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strong man who…

  • Child Homework
    Children,  School

    Proverbs According to Children

    A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. As you shall make your bed so shall you… mess it up. Better be safe than… punch a 5th grader. Strike while the… bug is close. It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time. You can lead a horse to water but… how? Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty. A miss is as good as a… Mr. You can’t teach an old dog new… math. If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning. The pen is…

  • School Boy Note
    Children,  School

    School Excuses

    The following are excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by the University of Texas: They were collected from Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Mississippi. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,and also 33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two…

  • Piggy Bank
    Bank,  Business,  Children

    Bank Name

    Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.” Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank.’ After a slight hesitation, she put down ‘Piggy.’

  • Classroom
    Children,  Christian,  School

    An Atheist

    A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not an atheist.” Then, asks the teacher, “What are you?” “I’m a Christian.” The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she…

  • Axis Earth
    Children,  School,  Science

    Axis of the Earth

    Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student: Imaginary clothes, sir.

  • School Cafeteria
    Children,  Christian,  School

    Cafeteria in a Catholic Elementary School

    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

  • Classroom
    Children,  School

    Some School Humor

    Below is a compilation of some school jokes. They are a bit old school, but hopefully you’ll still find some of them funny. Teacher: How can we get some clean water? Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!” Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?” Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?” Pupil: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?” Teacher: “Of course not.” Pupil:…

  • Plane Cartoon Drawing
    Children,  Christian,  School

    Sunday School Drawings

    A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy’s picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. ‘The flight to Egypt,’ he replied. ‘I see… And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,’ she said. ‘But who’s the fourth person?’ ‘Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot!’