Business
Minutes and Pennies
Man to God: God, what’s a million years to you? God: A minute. Man: What about a million dollars? God: A penny. Man: God, could I have a penny? God: Sure — in a minute.
Top 13 Worst Marketing Slogan Translations Ever
13. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.” 12. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.” 11. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.” 10. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish,…
The Old Native American Wanted a Loan
The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for collateral?” “Don’t know collateral.” “Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan.Have you got any vehicles?” “Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup.” The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?” “Yes, I have a horse.” “How old is it?” “Don’t know, has no teeth.” Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out…
Webcomic: The 10 stages of software development
This webcomic explains the ten stages of software development in a funny way. Each person understood it differently! As a programmer I would have to say that this scenario is pretty often quite accurate. 🙂
Star Trek Lost Episode
Picard: “Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?” Geordi: “Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.” Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. Riker looks puzzled: “What the hell is ‘Microsoft’?” Data turns to answer: “Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called ‘Windows’, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.” Picard: “But…
Bill Gates Died and Went to Heaven
Bill Gates died and went to Heaven. Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the basic needs. Bill slowly settled into a modest and quiet life in heaven. One day, Bill was walking in one of Heaven’s many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. “That is a nice suit, my friend,” said Gates. “Where did you get it?” “Actually,” the man replied, “I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I’ve been treated really…
Rolls-Royce and Bank Loan
A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest…
Long Line
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If…
New Job
A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?” “No” replied the trainee. “It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot” The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who you are talking to, you idiot?” “No!” replied the Managing Director angrily. “Thank God!” replied the trainee and hung up the phone.
Job Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years — say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
The Stella Awards
The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The “Stella” Award – for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S. The following are this year’s candidates: 1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson’s son. 2. June 1998: A 19 year…
If restaurants functioned like Microsoft…
Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought…
