Animal

  • Cowboy Horse
    American,  Animal,  Bar

    Stolen Horse

    A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. “Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And…

  • Blonde Woman With Horse
    Animal,  Blonde

    Blonde Riding a Horse

    A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try…

  • American,  Animal,  Farmer,  Lawyer

    Settling a Cow Case

    A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and…

  • Animal,  Science,  TV Humor

    To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before!

    This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! 😛 To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: According to a commenter below, this wonderful piece of art was made by a woman called Abi from Sheffield, UK. She did it a couple of days after the film came out and took the dog for a walk around town. So all the credit goes to her! Again, Live Long And Prosper!

  • Longhorn Bull
    American,  Animal,  Farmer

    No Bull

    A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher…

  • Flies Beer
    Animal,  Men,  Women

    Hunting Flies

    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies,” he responded. “Oh!, Killed any?” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”

  • Horseback Police Officer
    Animal,  Police

    Horseback Cop

    On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Humouring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah,…

  • Blonde Woman With Horse
    American,  Animal,  Blonde,  Farmer

    No Horns

    “Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ’em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”

  • Frog
    Animal,  School,  Science

    A Class Act

    A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

  • Flag Australia
    American,  Animal

    A Texan Down Under

    A Texan came Down Under for a holiday, and was being shown around one of the cattle stations in the Northern Territory. As they were driving along, the Texan pointed at a cow and asked what it was. The station owner said, “That’s one of my prize Hereford heiffers.” The Texan said, “Shoot! That one wouldn’t even be weaned yet back in Texas!” A little while later, the Texan pointed at a ram and asked what it was. The station owner said, “That’s one of my stud Merino rams.” The Texan said, “Sheeoot! That ram is smaller than one of my new born lambs back in Texas!” By this time…