In Order Of Stupidity…

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???… )

On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.” (well… duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – “Product will be hot after heating.” (… and you thought????… )

On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time)?

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness… ” (and… I’m taking this because???… )

On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to… what)?

On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh… fly Delta?)

On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (Oh my God… was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)